As Rekha reminded me, today is the last day of this year. Just like the gone years, 2009 is also going to be locked in memories, is going to be something from past. I don’t feel much nostalgic about this year. The only thing that made me feel sad is...I won’t be writing in the same old diary which was with me for the past one year. I used to keep it near my pillow, everyday promising to write more next day but ends up in two or three lines as usual with a big yawn and a sloppy good night...Still I love those pages...its me ..Smiling dreaming, laughing, crying, scolding, bored, anguished, tired, happy, bold...
It was on my 8th grade that I seriously started writing it and...Oh…it is 10 year now... (Now only I counted .he he)
At times when I am all alone to myself I used to take all my diaries together from the hush-hush hiding place, spread it my bed and start reading from here and there. It is like turning all those days back. When I was small, I used to write very elaborately, based on time. What I did before going to school, what I chatted with my friends, their response….everything n everything...
As time passed I started using lot of secret codes (of course scared of my brother who finds only my diary as the interesting reading material!!! He used to make fun, quoting from my diary and I used to get really annoyed! Once I made a big issue and my dad “ordered” no one supposed to read my diaries other than me as diaries are something very personal. From that day, these pages belonged to me only; at least my brother was silent even if he was reading it!!! That was enough for me!).

When secret codes became boring/confusing (as I started forgetting the short forms which I only gave),I became poetic, using all words from the novels and text books and my topic will be only the relevant ones (at that time).

Then I became very much philosophical, analyzing my emotional status of the particular day …A sort of introspection. I used to make the things what I did appear right at the end of the day with all sort of explanation which now looks like total absurdity …I used to experiment with all sort of styles(like a letter, like a story , like a poem, like a conversation....)..

Then suddenly it stopped, I became so busy with my life that I missed so many months in my diary...Every time I saw my diary in my bag below all my dresses and books, I used to take never carried out promises to fill it next day, but it remained there untouched…I found so many reasons for that…First and foremost is that I moved to my college hostel, where I found talking and giggling as a non stop activity till the point I cant’ resist sleep, .Even if I get some time free I started getting more into web world with blogging ,mails and chat ..Slowly I drifted away from my old companion who I avoided as being time consuming; unsafe and outdated…
…Sometimes I feel relived that I didn’t write all those days into words. Sometimes I wish I have written those days... At least I could have find answers for so many of my stupid decisions I did, like I used to do before...Now ,I am left to think and think trying hard to understand and justify why I did like that ?Why I didn’t said that loud ?etc n etc with no specific answer.
I missed so many happy moments too which I could have cherished all through my life...I missed so many wonderful feelings and emotions I had gone through….Now I regret deeply that I missed an important part of my life coz I failed to jot all those moments in my little diary…

So on a fine day (sorry! Night) I started it again...Sometimes I do miss days coz there wont be anything special to write. Will b the same day, waking up startled by alarm, getting ready, going to office in hurry, having some talks and laughs ,silly small tensions ,worrying about career ,feeling home sick ,never ending complain about food, back to room, again some talks n snacks, much more laughter ,phone calls from family ,again feeling home sick, thinking about dieting and future a bit (doing nothing about both),talking in between, climbing to bed ,trying hard to get rid of the annoying headache and wish to sleep and at some point drifting without knowing that sleep finally hugged me snugly… ..


But mostly I do write something, at least a good night and do feel good about it…

So today I have to write a Good Bye note in the last page of my diary. As I told, I didn’t think this was a great year for me. But there are so many changes that happened, even in my attitude ,myself, my thinking, my surroundings…So much change that many times I find myself questioning on whatever I did earlier like a stranger. I think I am getting mature... (Hopefully)
Anyway we have to move on. And that’s all time, age and life is all about…
I got not many resolutions this time. I am just going to take and follow my decisions…Don’t know where it leads but at some point of life we have to be courageous enough to do something .…I will write about this again only if it comes out well…
So Bye 2009...Happy New Year…